How To Cope If The News About The Cornell 7 Is Triggering You From A Trauma Therapist
TLDR: It is deeply emotionally dysregulating to be exposed to story after story of women being harmed by men, being blamed and not believed, while the men receive compassion and little to no consequences. This is particularly true for trauma survivors. As a trauma therapist in the South Bay area of Los Angeles, my recommendations for coping with this include actively managing media exposure, connecting with community, finding healthy outlets, and speaking up.
Friends, I’m tired.
I’m tired of women being sexually assaulted by cis men.
I’m tired of women being simultaneously blamed and not believed when they are sexually assaulted by cis men.
I’m tired of women being put on trial and having their lives ruined when the cis men who sexually assaulted are given compassion and a pass because they have a “promising future.”
I’m tired of hearing about cis men who do absolutely nothing when other cis men are harming women, either verbally or physically.
And I’m really so tired of being told by cis men that trans women are the problem and watching our trans sisters lose their lives, safety, and rights while the real threat to women (cis men) continue to harm women, while getting a pass OR getting rewarded (for example, with a presidency 👀).
If you are reading this, I know you are tired too.
But what if you are more than tired? What if you are feeling overwhelmed by grief and hopelessness? What if you are feeling so overwhelmed by your righteous rage about this that you’re finding it hard to engage with men at all? What if your nervous system is straining to keep you going in the face of all these horrific stories and comments?
Why are sexual assault stories like the Cornell 7 so triggering?
When you have experienced a trauma, anything that reminds you of it activates your nervous system in a way that it feels just like how it did at the time the trauma happened. The body remembers (The Body Keeps the Score is a great book title, but I’m not a fan of the book and recommend other books on trauma instead).
So if you are exposed to a story that reminds you of a terrible experience of your own, your body will respond with intense feelings and physical sensations. You might feel fear, anxiety, shame, rage, or hopelessness. Your body might freeze, tense up, feel nauseous, or surge with adrenaline. This is what it means to be “triggered.” This is how post-traumatic stress looks, and it happens not because of you, but because of what happened to you.
The problem for women and other marginalized genders is that so many of us have had these experiences. Even if we were lucky enough to not be sexually assaulted, we have all experienced sexual harassment, including the fear of not knowing if it will escalate to physical harm. We have all experienced cis men getting away with harming women and marginalized folks. We have all been harmed by cis men and then blamed and shamed for it, even in nonsexual ways, like your run-of-the-mill sexism at the office. And we have all been in “damned if you do, damned if you don’t impossible situations at the hands of patriarchy. And we all know the frustration and disgust of watching our elected officials and others in power harm women and marginalized genders with absolutely no consequences, while the women they harmed have their lives ruined.
So this shit is triggering! It does not mean you are weak or something is wrong with you. It means your body is wise, remembers how bad this harm is, and is responding appropriately. It is appropriate to be disgusted and pissed off!
However, it might mean you need extra support to cope or therapy to address and heal your own painful experiences.
How can I cope with triggering news stories about sexual assault?
There are many strategies you can use to help you cope with your feelings, including setting boundaries around media use, connecting with community, giving yourself healthy outlets, engaging in self-soothing, and finding ways to take action.
Set boundaries with yourself around media use: the goal is to be informed, but not overwhelmed to the point it’s hard to function. So consider what boundaries (i.e. loving limits) you might need about engaging with media. Do you need to take a break? Do you need to limit the amount of time, the type, or the sources? Do you need to pick a different time to read (for example, right before bed is NOT effective)? Or perhaps you need to intentionally do some grounding or self-soothing during or after reading?
Connect with your community: find people who talk to who are safe, who can be validating, and who just get it. Friends, authors and online spaces, your therapist (hopefully). It is important to get support and to talk with like-minded people. When you’re overwhelmed, it's not the time to get into internet fights with the “not all men” camp.
Give yourself a healthy outlet: besides taking action (more on that below), find ways to give your emotions an outlet so they don’t just churn away inside and build pressure. Examples include journaling, any kind of art or creative expression, movement, a big cry, screaming, or talking about it with a safe person. The goal here is to get these feelings moving through and out of you, not staying pent up under pressure.
Self-soothing: The way to calm our nervous system is to engage the five senses in ways that are soothing. Consider what you can look at, listen to, touch/feel, taste, and smell that you find calming. Check out my post on self-soothing for more ways to do this.
Take action: one way to channel your emotions in a productive way (especially rage) is to take action. There are so many ways to do this! Some ideas are: contact the president of Cornell (contact info at bottom of this linked page) to let him know how you feel about essays as punishment for gang rape (this same administration also suspended and banned students for peacefully protesting the genocide in Gaza), challenge problematic talk about these topics, find amazing books about consent to read to your kids, donate to causes that support women, join a protest, write to your representatives, and many more. Feel free to get creative!
What if I can’t stop thinking about news stories about sexual assault?
If after trying the above strategies you are still finding yourself stuck in hard feelings triggered by sexual assault stories, I really recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in women and trauma. Because when these feelings are interfering with your ability to focus, feel joy, engage with the world or your relationships, that starts to creep into anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress territory. This doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it means you are being deeply impacted by collective and personal trauma in ways that make perfect sense and need extra support. But not all therapists are created equal. Nearly every therapist says they work with trauma, but that is different from truly specializing in it, and it does make a difference.
Free Resource: The Trauma Healing Guide: Thriving With EMDR After PTSD
This free guide offers a compassionate, easy-to-follow overview of trauma and PTSD, showing how EMDR therapy can support your healing. Inside, you’ll find clear explanations, practical insights, and guidance to help you decide if EMDR is right for you.
Start Therapy to Heal From Trauma in the South Bay:
If you are finding yourself struggling to cope with the never-ending string of triggering stories about women being harmed, you certainly aren’t alone, but you do deserve more support than you are getting. While memories of trauma can’t be erased, they can be healed so they aren’t impacting your life. Start by following these steps:
Reach out for a consultation at Well Woman Psychology.
Heal past trauma and shift from surviving to thriving.
About the Author:
Dr. Linda Baggett is a licensed psychologist and founder of Well Woman Psychology, a virtual trauma-informed therapy practice supporting women and people of all genders in California, Colorado, Illinois, New York, and Washington. Dr. Baggett is skilled at helping people develop a kinder, more effective relationship with their emotions and overcome trauma and stressors. She also works with clients around body image, relationship issues, perimenopause and menopause, perinatal and postpartum challenges, pregnancy loss and miscarriage, and infertility.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only, is not a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice, and does not constitute a client-therapist relationship.