How You Might Unintentionally Be Making Your Body Image Worse
TLDR: Sometimes the things we do to cope with feeling badly about our bodies actually makes our body image worse. Our behaviors have the power to reinforce poor body image and our inner critic. Understanding this connection can help you feel better in your body. As a weight neutral body image therapist in Los Angeles, I share my best tips on how to tell if your behaviors are unintentionally hurting your body image more than they’re helping.
It is exceptionally hard to feel bad about your body. Whether it’s primarily shame or anxiety or something else, when we don’t feel at peace with our bodies, everything becomes more difficult - eating, moving, dressing, bathing, intimacy, socializing, etc.. And at the core of the issue is our strong cultural anti-fat bias, as well as racism, ableism, and patriarchy. That definitely needs to change and it is not the fault of individuals for struggling with their bodies. That said, we can control what WE do.
So when I help clients move toward body liberation (that is, feeling more at peace with their bodies, more free, and less at war with it), two of the questions at the top of my mind are, what behaviors is this person doing that are unknowingly reinforcing the shame or anxiety, and, what behaviors can we add that will reinforce feelings like acceptance, peace, or freedom?
What does it mean when we say a behavior is reinforcing a feeling?
When a behavior is reinforcing a feeling, what we are saying is that the behavior strengthens the feeling and makes it more likely to occur in the future. This happens all the time for people and parents might recognize the concept of reinforcement from learning about parenting strategies, where there is a lot of discussion about how to reinforce behaviors we want to see from our kids (kindness, brushing teeth, etc.) and stop reinforcing the behaviors we do not want them to engage in (hitting, throwing food, etc.).
But behaviors can also reinforce feelings and sensations as well. An example of this is if I am afraid of dogs and I avoid them (the behavior), I am strengthening (reinforcing) my fear because I am not allowing myself to have the experience of a dog being in my presence and not harming me. Conversely, if I continue to gradually increase my exposure to dogs, first at a distance with known safe dogs, and over time getting closer and more interactive, my fear anxiety will decrease and my sense of safety and confidence around dogs will increase. This is the principle behind exposure therapy. And this works with all kinds of topics, including body image and can be an important part of trauma treatment.
How do I know if my behavior is reinforcing a negative body image?
There are two questions I ask that can help untangle this.
What do you do when body shame/anxiety is triggered?
What were you doing when body shame/anxiety was triggered?
With both questions, it’s important to get specific about the behaviors. For example, “when I feel bad about my body, I avoid looking in the mirror.” Or, “I saw my smaller clothes in my closet that I can no longer fit and then I felt bad.”
Once you’ve identified the specific behavior, then it’s important to get honest with yourself and ask, is this making me feel better or worse in the long term, even if it makes me feel momentary relief from the discomfort? What does this behavior give me the urge to do? What message is this behavior sending to myself?
Often the urge can be a powerful clue.
If the urge is to hide, that points to reinforcing shame. When we feel shame, we want to hide. But hiding reinforces shame because it is essentially saying to ourselves, this is bad, do not let anyone see it.
If the urge is to avoid OR control (via behaviors to change your body), that reinforces anxiety and can also reinforce shame. Avoidance is almost guaranteed to increase anxiety over time because instead of facing the difficult feelings and using healthy coping skills, the discomfort just gets shoved down, festers, and pops right back up the next time. And control is nearly always an attempt to avoid anxiety or other unpleasant feelings by trying to change the outcome or focus on something else in order to get distance from the hard emotions. The problem though is that by trying to control our bodies, we are sending ourselves the message that our bodies are bad and need fixing, which reinforces the shame and anxiety.
The tricky part is hiding, avoiding, and controlling SEEM like they will make us feel better, for in the moment they do offer immediate relief. But they do not do anything to address the problem and make them worse over time by reinforcing the very feelings they are trying to cope with.
Three types of behaviors that reinforce negative body image
-any effort to alter your body shape or size: there is simply no way to do this without giving yourself the message that your body is bad and needs fixing
-any effort to hide your body: this could look like avoiding intimacy or being seen nude, wearing baggy clothes, avoiding clothing that feels more revealing, avoiding activities where your body might be on display like swimming, sex, or performing/speaking in public. Hiding sends the message to yourself that your body is bad/wrong and shouldn’t be seen.
-anytime you put off doing something you want until you’ve fixed your body, including buying new clothes, dating, traveling, or activities: again, this is giving yourself the message that you do not deserve to be comfortable or take up space or be loved, etc. because your body is wrong
This is not an exhaustive list but as you can see, behaviors we have been taught will make us feel better or “motivate” us to change our bodies, are actually perpetuating feeling bad about our bodies. And this happens regardless of what our bodies actually look like.
What does this bring up for you? What behaviors do you notice help or hurt your body image? For strategies for how to swap shame and anxiety reinforcing behaviors for behaviors to help improve your body image, check out my post “How to Change Your Behaviors To Improve Your Body Image.”
Start Therapy to Improve Body Image in Los Angeles:
If you are struggling in your relationship with your body, you are certainly in good company. It is extremely difficult to feel at peace with your body in a culture that is always telling you your body is too much and not enough at the same time. But it doesn’t have to be this way - working with a weight neutral therapist can help you develop a more peaceful and free relationship with your body. Start by following these steps:
Reach out for a consultation at Well Woman Psychology.
Meet with a therapist specializing in body image and making peace with your body.
Stop letting your feelings about your body get in the way of living your best life.
About the Author:
Dr. Linda Baggett is the owner and licensed psychologist at Well Woman Psychology, a weight-inclusive, Health at Every Size, therapy practice focused on serving women in California,Colorado, Illinois, New York, and Washington. Dr. Baggett helps people let go of shame and anxiety about their bodies and work to develop a more peaceful, kind relationship with them. She also helps clients with trauma, relationship issues,pregnancy loss and miscarriage, infertility,perimenopause and menopause,perinatal andpostpartum struggles.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only, is not a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice, and does not constitute a client-therapist relationship.